Dear friend,
Six years ago, a small group of friends and I began a supper-club; but this is no ordinary supper-club. We call them “unnecessesoirées” because they are just that — a soirée that is highly unnecessary. We tend to do them randomly a few times each year, for no particular reason, though truth be told I always have an ulterior motive: beauty of course.
My garden is dormant, the skies are grey, and I’ve had enough of my newsfeed. If business continues as usual, there’s hardly a break from the grind. I’m tired. So do I keep praying my husband whisks me off to Italy for a surprise romantic week away with money that doesn’t exist? Or do I put my hands to the clay to make something magical?
our first unnecessesoirée, circa 2020
Plainly, hosting is never not without its effort. Despite what many will sell you, it takes effort and it should. But an unnecessesoirée is far too fun to be held off by such matters as mopping floors and stocking up on flaked sea salt — after all, those are but stepping stones to delight.
Over the years of hosting our little gatherings, I’ve learned where to invest energy and where to avoid wasting it, how to balance foods that fill up the table, and how to easily ensure all guests’ needs are met. I know this may sound contradictory, but I find hosting such events to be an absolute gift. It may not come in a package with a bow, but it’s the giving of a great gift to those who attend. It makes memories, fills the love-tank, breaks up the daily monotony, gives me a reason to wear a beautiful dress, gives me a reason to swoon on my husband in his three-piece-suit, means I get to eat a bunch of fancy food that is a special treat, and ultimately? It builds culture and relationship.
Hosting is always a bit of a lift; but it’s fueled by French 75 cocktails, sequined dresses, and roasted olives. As always, my motto remains true: will work for food.
I mentioned I have an ulterior motive for these nights: it’s beauty, of course. But the real secret is that I’ve learned how to chase that beauty without letting it exhaust me. Below are the rest of our unnecessesoirée details—including the 'lazy-fancy' deconstruction of the menu, tips for hosting and curating such an event, and the playlist that sets the whole mood.
THE MENU
Many of our past unnecessesoirées have had themes — this one is no exception. It’s February, after all! Valentines Day! To keep the menu fun, we ask each guest (or couple) to bring two appetizers to share following a particular theme. This means that the menu is always different and we all get to enjoy food that we maybe haven’t tried and at the very least, didn’t have to make ourselves. It’s an opportunity to expand our palates and present our food in a fancy way just because we can. Since I am the host, I will be making a few extras (frankly, for no other reason than I feel like eating them!):
steak tartar
shrimp cocktail
chicken liver pate
wedge salads
lemon sorbet
chocolate affogato
Negroni
prosecco
It may sound like a lot, but these were all chosen to specifically keep the heavy-lifting in the kitchen to a minimum. Knowing I would need time to decorate and dust wine glasses, I chose the menu particularly for food that could be prepped ahead of time or made without too much fuss. For example:
…the steak tartar requires zero cooking and the sauce can be made up ahead of time.
…the shrimp cocktail requires only a light poaching and the sauce can be made up ahead of time.
…the chicken liver pate should be made ahead of time and doesn’t require more than ten-minutes of cooking and some beautiful crackers or crostini to serve it with.
… the wedge salad dressing and toppings can be prepared ahead of time. All that’s needed to do prior to the supper is to plate the wedges.
… the lemon sorbet must be made up ahead of time and frozen. Again, this only takes about ten minutes of active time to put together.
… chocolate affogato is nothing more than a scoop of chocolate ice-cream and decaf espresso in small cups.
… Prosecco? Easy.
… Stu always handles the cocktails, so Negroni was his choosing.
Though I don’t know what the guests will bring, that’s part of the fun! I’m as surprised as they are when platters and plates begin to arrive.
TIPS & TRICKS
Now that the food is accounted for, the next piece of attention goes to how we can make this experience as enjoyable as we can for our guests and us leading up to the event. It positively robs the event of its pleasure when the days leading up to it our filled with stress and fatigue. Once the cork is popped on the Prosecco, it’s time to delight! So here’s what I make sure is in place prior to that:
Clean the bathroom and put in extra toilet paper. Make sure the hand-towel is clean and that there’s soap. A little vase of flowers is an extra pleasure.
Have a cocktail/drink/water station that’s outside of the kitchen. This means that guests can gather around and socialize without getting in the way of the oven or any food prep! Plus, you can use this to your advantage and draw them to the prettiest areas of your home and away from those that didn’t quite make it onto the cleaning schedule.
Pair fancy with cheap. I have special pottery and heirloom china and silver that I love to bring out for these occasions. Often, I’ll pair these “fancier” pieces with far cheaper ones: fancy paper plates, inexpensive wine glasses, grocery store roses, Chinese lanterns, even balloons! If you’re too concerned with having it all perfect, you’ll never get around to having fun! Keep it balanced and it’ll feel thoughtful and lovely.
Overdress. Have your guests arrive to find you wrapped in your vintage mink fur, the holiday dress you’ve only been able to wear a handful of times, or your grandmother’s pearls. I always wear special perfume and my emerald anniversary ring. Something about this gives guests the permission to go all out next time and sets a ton of fabulous. It feels playful, thoughtful, and delightful all at once. We’ve even had a guest arrive in a tux! Yes!
Prep as much as you can the day prior. Proper planning prevents… you know how it goes. But let’s just think about this selfishly for a moment: when the host prepares the flowers, the sauces, whatever food she can, irons clothes, etc. the day prior, it opens up space on the day of the event for (you guessed it!) more delight. I enjoy spending time fussing with the table decor or my updo. If the balloons are blown up, food is chopped, plates are washed, and wine is chosen, it frees up time on the day-of to enjoy.
A few other practical notes…
Wear fancy shoes but don’t slip them on until the last minute!
Don’t forget to charge your speaker and have your playlist ready!
Put guests at ease: if you know they have a favorite food or drink, go to a bit of extra effort to have it at the ready for them. Not all of our guests drink, so bubbly or mocktails are a must too.
LAZY-FANCY
I am not a lazy person, nor do I seek to host lazy parties. Such events take effort and it is a pleasure for me to take on the work of the party. That being said, it is always far more important to fellowship and delight with others than it is to be perfect. If you’re in a season of needing to keep it a bit simpler, lazy-fancy is totally approved:
Buy bread or premade pastry as needed.
Pre-mix cocktails and have the whole thing ready to pour for guests so you don’t have to play bartender.
Add in “pretty but easy” foods like skewered cherry tomatoes, mozzarella cheese, and basil leaves, bowls of fruit or olives, or prosciutto wrapped melon.
Give your party a focal point: for appetizer/open-table parties like ours, the table is the obvious centerpiece. I don’t decorate my entire house at all, just the main focal point.
Flowers tend to look better en masse so instead of trying to make them fancy with mixed bouquets, it’s far more striking (and easier!) to just fill a few vases with the bunches of the same flower on repeat.
If you can’t think of a theme for the decor, go with a color. Black and gold, red and purple, white and champagne are all wonderful combinations.
Decorate with food! If you don’t have much table decor built up in your arsenal, go for fruit. In the past, I’ve used big bowls of citrus, pineapples, vegetables, and even grapevines to decorate the table.
Spread out your food on platters. It makes it look fancier and costs zero-extra.
Always transfer premade sauces or dips to prettier dishes. Always.
CURATE THE ATMOSPHERE
This is an easy one but a very important one! If you want to host a party, it should feel like a party. The best way to do this is with music and lighting that matches the mood of what you’re going for. Simple.
Music is non-negotiable. A friend gifted me a CD of The Bill Evans Trio years ago for Christmas (yes, a CD) and it was love at first listen. This playlist always hits the spot for such an event.
Lighting will be a mix of real candles (for the table) and electric candles (for bookshelves and far more flammable areas).
This isn’t really an area with right or wrongs, rather, it’s an area to not forget. It’s amazing how sound and light transform a normal space into something far more extraordinary. If you’re gathering with guests you see often, it’s all the more important to distinguish this gathering from others. Music and lighting spread the news — there’s something delightful and different happening here!
PERMISSION SLIP
Consider this your permission slip to wear a fancy dress and sip a cocktail. Most days, you’ll find me in muck boots tending to the sheep, in an apron washing dishes, or in overalls shoveling compost in the garden. It’s beautiful, no, necessary, to change it up every once in a while purely for the sake of delight and event and exploration and pleasure.
I hope this helps inspire you to do just that.
Love,
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